A life-changing phrase originally uttered by Eddie Van Bonkhertz's father.
Ex: "
..."
Bonkhertz Split
/bonkhUrts spliT/
Bonkhertz Split is a chocolate ice cream sundae that has mints from The Mint, a chocolate straight flush as a reminder of the saviors blackjack skills, and is topped with the ashes of those who 'gave their life to see the savior safe' in 4 'flavors': Florida Ashes, Nun ashes, Bob and Timmy ashes, and Jeff, Larry and Ted Ashes.
Ex:
Customer: "Add one Bonkhertz Split to the order."
Baker: "Ex-Excuse me?"
Customer: "Oh you know, a Bonkhertz Split, the official holy food of the Bonkhertzyism religion."
Baker: "Does this religion allow suicide? If so, I'm in."
Bonkhertzyism
/bonkhUrtseeism/
Bonkhertzyism is the religion centered around and created by "Uncle Eddie" EVB.
Ex: "I'm no longer an atheist, I am a follower of the Bonkhertzyism religion."
Bonks
/bonks/
Bonks are the followers of the religion Bonkhertzyism.
Ex: "I am now part of the Bonks ."
Brain Case
/brān//kās/
The technical term for the natural cage that surrounds and protects your brain
Ex: "Did you hear about Ted, he had a major injury to his
Brain Case."
Cadillac Arrest
/ˈkadilak//əˈrest/
A serious medical condition of the heart in which a car has been stolen so much that the criminal suffers heart issues.
Ex: "Bob died today of
Cadillac Arrest."
Chocolate Chip Cream Dessert Burritos
/ˈCHäk(ə)lət//CHip//krēm//dəˈzərt//bəˈrēdō/
A delicacy from Italy that is commonly eaten as a dessert.
Ex:
Customer: "Yes, I'll have one
Chocolate Chip Cream Dessert Burrito."
Baker:
"What?"
Continuity
/ˌkäntəˈn(y)o͞oədē/
Something that doesn't exist in 'True Memoirs Of a Disgraced Clown'
Ex: "This story about a sad clown has no
Continuity."
Eddie
/egddiY/
Eddie Bonkhertz is a felon and author of 'True Memoirs of a Disgraced Clown'.
Ex:
Customer: "I just saw this guy
Eddie open up a pizza joint but it burnt down before I could get there, that's why I'm here."
Baker: "Uhh...would you like to order anything else?"
Eggchair
/eɡCHer/
A French dessert consisting of a cream-filled bread tube with frosting on top
Ex:
Customer: "Also add an
Eggchair to that order."
Baker: "Should I call an Ambulance?"
Fdder
/FuuuDddddder/
A guy who is commonly run over by trucks carrying bananas.
Ex:
Customer: "You know, I recently ran over a man named Fdder."
Baker: "Would you like to know a therapist that you could talk to instead of me? Because I know a few."
Customer: "Nah, I'll just stay here."
Baker: sighs
Fuick
/foo-EEk/
Eddie's brother who had a brief stint as the 'Anti-Pope'.
Ex:
Customer: "I heard that
Fuickwas attacked by a gang of emus."
Baker: "Who is Fucik, should I even ask?"
Customer: "I really reccomend buying this book, it'll answer all your questions."
Baker: "T-Thanks?"
Gerbils
/ˈjərbəls/
A rarely-mentioned Cat who previously belonged to Eddie.
Ex: "Then I realized that he was my Cat,
Gerbils!"
James
/ˈjāmz/
A sneaky stowaway, who was accidentally kidnapped by Eddie and was never heard from again after he was last seen sailing into the horizon.
Ex: "...I found
James, a 10-year old stowaway."
KGB
КГБ
An acronym for Kenny Good Beets, after a farmer who made good beets, and who also may founded the KGB.
Ex: "The
KGB chased me through Africa and Greece..."
Konked
/kôNGk/
A mispelling of the word which means to get knocked out
Ex: "I
Konked out."
Leeeeeeeeeeeeggg
/leeeeeeeeeeeeg/
The name for a golden, bejeweled leg that was stolen from the pope by Eddie. Always said wistfully by Eddie
Ex: "...the glorious
Leeeeeeeeeeeeggg..."
Military Gun Call
/ˈmiləˌterē//ɡən//kôl/
A way to signal to other military veterans that you were in the military. You shoot near them to let them know. It is a majestic sound originally used in Russia during WWII.
Ex: "That explains why they didn't recognise the
Military Gun Call."
Omlette
An egg based food. Not to be confused with an omeltte. An omlette is a type of omelette that is used in the process of omletting (see above) by omletters. An omlette can be eaten and used in omletting, but an omelette can be eaten but not used in omletting.
Ex:
Customer: "I'll take one omlette to go."
Baker: "Do you mean an omelette?"
Customer: "No, I need more ammo for my omletting gun, and maybe a quick snack on the way."
Baker: "This is my personal hell."
Omletting
/ˈäm(ə)lətiNG/
When you or someone else was forcefully hit in the face with a minimum of 8 omlettes or fritatas, usually using a t-shirt cannon.
Ex: "Upon opening the door, I received what we used to call 'an
Omletting.'"
Picracko
/Pick-rack-O/
An artist known around the world for a 'unique' style that affects people deeply...in their stomach.
Ex:
Customer:" I saw this guy's paintings, Picracko I think. What do you think of them? Not my style, I don't really get art..."
Baker:"I think they're pretty good...wait a minute, why are you still here. I'm calling the Po-Po."
Poker
/ˈpōkər/
A game named after a common strategy of the same name in which, a card player who tried to annoy the other players so much that they bent their cards or "folded".
Ex: "It was much better than that thing called a 'Poker'."
Shoeburt Papadopoulos
/?/
A friend of Eddie's who horribly suggested that he go to a casino, where he promptly lost millions he didn't have
Ex: "...I met someone named
Shoeburt Papadopoulos..."
Tooka
/to͝okā/
The way Eddie says 'took a'
Ex:
Customer:" I tooka piece of bread, is that okay?"
Baker:"No, any why do we keep being in the examples?"
The Mint
/T͟Hēmint/
The nickname for the U.S Treasury, where money is produced. Originally located in Wisconsin, but moved to D.C much to the annoyance of Eddie.
